I had this gut feeling that I needed to bring everybody together for my birthday: friends, family and people from every chapter of my life, all in one place for laughter and a break from stress. I wanted to give my granny, the woman who raised me, her flowers and let her see all the people I'd met along the way. I wanted my family to see the different versions of Black excellence I get to be around.
I don't know why I was so gung-ho about it. I caught COVID the week before and still made it.
That was the last time I saw her. I got to give Granny her flowers in front of everybody, and less than four weeks later, she was gone.
Grief took everything out of me. I had moved to be closer to her while starting a new job, and some days, mustering up the energy to get through the first two hours of the day felt like an accomplishment. It forced me to think about my bandwidth: who got my time, who got my energy and who had to wait.
Tia Mowry once said, "Grief taught me that access to me is a privilege, especially when I'm healing." I felt that one. It shouldn't take a loss to make us think that way, though.
So let me ask you. Who in your life hasn't gotten their flowers yet?
Most of us move like our bandwidth is unlimited and our people will always be a phone call away. Healing and ambition can live in the same season. You can be building something big, be honest about how much of you is available, and still make time to tell the people who matter what they mean to you.
Don't wait for the funeral to give anybody their flowers, including yourself.
Bryan, Darin and I got into a version of this on Money Talks. One of the minis from that conversation is me talking about what losing my income taught me about money. When something's gone, you start counting differently, whether it's time, energy or dollars.
Before Wednesday, do two small things.
1. Give somebody their flowers with a text, a call or a voice note telling them what they mean to you.
2. Look at who's getting your best energy this week, and take back one hour from something that hasn't earned it.
Then hit reply and tell me who got their flowers. A first name is plenty.
Forward this to somebody who deserves their flowers this week.
The Invisible Interview · The Invisible Score · The TEF Show
